What a Ride!

It was Good Friday. April 6, 2007. And I got to do something pretty fun. Something I will probably never get to do again. I got to hitch a ride in an F-16!

Every once in awhile, they let people ride in the back seat of the jet. It's usually given as a reward for good performance. My name got put in for a ride almost a year ago after I won a quarterly award.

My name was on a waiting list for about 8-10 months. To be honest, I wouldn't have been surprised if it never happened.



But near the end of March, I got an e mail asking if I was available for a ride on April 6.

The day before the ride, I had to go through a flight physical where I sat down with a doc and he talked to me about the upcoming flight. He asked me things like if I felt generally healthy, if I normally get motion sickness, and stuff like that. Then he gave me tips on what to eat prior to the flight, and how to deal with the effects of pulling Gs. Apparently, when the force of gravity is multiplied by doing these maneuvers, the blood in your body tends to rush to the bottom half of your body. And as it turns out this is not really a good thing. The lack of blood in your head can cause you to black out. And lots of people, even people that don't normally experience motion sickness, will get nauseous during flights.

So I started mentally preparing myself for vomiting. I really hate vomiting. And luckily I don't do it that often! My flight was scheduled for Friday at 1300, (1pm for you non-military types). But on Friday morning I went through about 3 hours of "Worst-case scenario" training. I call it that because it was training on all these things that could go wrong when we're in the air.

Everything they showed me started out with the phrase, "Hopefully you won't have to do this, but...", or "If you have to do this, it's already a bad day...".

What kind of stuff did they show me? Well, first I got to sit in a simulated F-16 cockpit. All the controls were there and I was told "Don't touch this switch unless...", and "Never ever touch this button, but only touch this one if...," There are few controls that I needed to know about even just as a passenger.

But the craziest thing to me was the one big, bright yellow, handle that was right in between my knees. I was told to hold onto this handle if we have to eject during the flight. So I asked, "Oh okay, so then it's just a handle?"

"No, if you pull that during flight, it will eject you."

Right. Got it. Don't touch the yellow handle.

I still can't believe that they would let the passengers have the ability to jettison the canopy, risk the lives of both himself and the pilot, and crash a multi-million dollar jet. But yep, they do.

After the cockpit orientation, I moved on to ejection training. This is where they train you on how to fall if you do have to eject during flight. Again, another thing that hopefully, you never have to do.

But these guys who gave me the training were cool and very helpful. Props & thanks to MSgt Hudson and TSgt Hayes!

So by the time this was all done I had enough time for a quick bite to eat - which according to the doc should consist of something dry and bland, nothing greasy. So I had a few crackers and a piece of bread. Just enough so my stomach wasn't empty.

Back to the fighter squadron building for the fitting of my flight suit and G-Suit. The G-suit is like leggings that go around your legs and around your stomach. There's a little cord that attaches to an air tank in the plane and it inflates when you pull Gs, to help keep the blood from pooling in your legs.

Me & Major Koch

The pilot I flew with was Major Koch, call-sign "Jeckyll". A really cool guy. He introduced himself and showed me a few of the systems they use prior to flight. Then he talked to me again about some of the things we'd be doing in the air. He promised me he wouldn't try to make me puke. What a nice guy!

That's me in the back!

By 1230 I was sitting in the backseat of the jet. Pictures from the cockpit were not allowed! Sorry!



We took off on time at 1300. A low takeoff, and then the jet shot straight up into the air. My first experience pulling Gs right off the bat. I think he said that was about 4 Gs. 4 times the normal force of gravity. I felt the G-suit inflate around my legs and compress my abdomen. Like the doc said, a good way to describe the feeling is like "the finger of God trying to crush you like a bug."

No nausea yet, and no tunnel vision or light-headedness yet either. So far so good.

We started out by flying around the area. We saw our house and had fun seeing the little targeting cross hairs on it! Then we flew up over the mountains. Incredible views from up there around 12000-15000 feet. At some points, we were lower than some of the peaks.

We did some cool maneuvers. We did some barrel rolls and some loops. We even flew upside down for a few minutes. To say it was incredibly cool is a huge understatement. The ride of the jet is so smooth. Not bumpy at all. Even when we were doing the crazy tricks, it was smooth.

We did a few other maneuvers and pulled more Gs. 4 Gs several times, 5 Gs once or twice. And I started to notice my stomach feeling kind of weird. I actually pulled out one of the barf bags they gave me and totally thought those crackers were making a return trip. But luckily they didn't. I held it together but the rest of the time my stomach was pretty queasy.

Major Koch asked if I was allright and after I told him I was close to puking, but after a few minutes I told him that I was okay. So we did a few more tricks and then he let me take control of the jet. I actually got to fly the jet for 5 - 10 minutes.

He took the controls again and we had time for a few more tricks. I don't remember exactly what we did, but the Gs we pulled were more than what we'd been pulling. I think we were shooting upwards at an angle and for the first time I started to get tunnel vision. This maneuver probably lasted at least 5-7 seconds. It was pretty intense. I think a little longer and I might have started to lose consciousness. But he pulled out of it and everything was okay. Whew! But that really didn't help my unsettled stomach!

After about a 45 minutes to an hour, it was time for the ride to be over. After we landed, I felt queasy for the rest of the afternoon. I also felt strangely tired. Not really physically tired, but sort of a weird lethargical feeling.

Getting ready to climb out

We talked to Major Koch and the life support people again, thanked them and drove home. And then I fell asleep on the couch for about two hours!

Thanks to everyone who had a hand in getting me this ride: Lt Anderson, SSgt Self, TSgt Veale. And to those who got me trained and ready: MSgt Hudson, TSgt Hayes, A1C Speis, and of course to Maj Koch for letting me fly with you. And finally to Susan for being there to take some pics! It was truly the experience of a lifetime.

I Like Monkeys

We made it back from Spain this afternoon. What a great trip. Plenty of pics and stories to share. But I've gotta start with the funniest thing that happened.

Since our original plans of going down to Morocco got axed because of the terrorist bombings in North Africa, we figured we would just play it safe and go to check out Gibraltar for a day. We got up super early and grabbed a few pieces of fruit from the fruit basket left in our room. Sue had a kiwi, I had an apple, and we stashed a couple other things in my backpack for the trip. The night before it had rained a little, but this morning, the sky looked pretty clear. Still a bit chilly, especially in the darkness at 6am.



From Malaga, we took a bus down to a little town called La Linea. This was a small city that is right on the tip of Spain and separated from Gibraltar by an RAF airfield. (In case you didn't know, Gibraltar is still a UK territory) So once we were off the bus it was a quick 10 minute walk across the border. The Spanish customs guy wanted nothing to do with our passports... so much for getting a stamp... When we went to the UK side, we were able to get a stamp that said "Welcome to GIB", but it didn't say UK anywhere on it. Oh well...



We crossed the runway and hopped on a bus into town. A few people told me that Gibraltar is almost just like being in the UK. And they were right! Most people spoke English and spoke it with an English accent. A lot of people spoke Spanish too, but the overall feel of the place was nothing like the rest of Spain.



The architecture was different. There were Irish pubs everywhere (well Spain has lots of them too), all the street names were in English, and geez! Fish & Chips places everywhere!



After we hiked around the town a little and had a proper English breakfast of eggs, sausage, and toast, we decided to take the cable car up to the top of the rock and see the "Ape Den".

All the tourist brochures all were talking about this place. These apes, which actually look more like monkeys all live up on the top of the rock and have been there for years. It's their natural habitat and they just kind of hang out up there and you can go see them.

So we don't think too much about it. Why not? Let's go check out the monkeys. I like monkeys!

The guy on the cable car gives us a routine briefing about the area and the monkeys...

"The monkeys are not really aggressive, but they are always looking for food. They will try to take any food they can see and they have been known to fight for it. They bite. And they have learned to associate plastic bags with food, so please don't take any plastic bags up there".

Gotcha. No plastic bags. No food in site. We're all good.

So the cable car gets to the top and before we even get off the thing, a little monkey goes flying across the door. He hopped from a ledge on the landing up onto the top of the car and then disappeared. As we were looking for him, another one went running across in the opposite direction!





So... this is no zoo. There are no cages. These monkeys truly are just hanging out. Chillin, playing with each other and watching the people just as much as we were watching them.

The first two monkeys were young ones. Playful and energetic. The next one we saw must have been their momma. A little bigger, and not quite as eager to run around and jump for no particular reason. But she had no problem just sitting on a narrow rail watching the group of us come off the cable car and watching her kids play, or was she watching for plastic bags?

We walked past her and onto a lookout platform. The view of the rock was awesome. The weather turned out to be clear. Although it was warm down in the town, it was windy and cool up here at the top of the mountain.

There were monkeys all around. Probably about 4 or 5 on the platform. Some just sitting there, some walking around looking at all the people, some hopping around from rail to rail. We would cringe just a bit as they jumped around the railing, thinking foolishly that they might fall. Even though we knew there was little to no chance of that happening.

I noticed these two larger monkeys sitting in the middle of the platform. I started to walk over to them trying to position myself behind them so Sue could take a picture. One of the monkeys started eyeing me. Looking at me right in the eye. He started to walk towards me on all fours. I kept trying to circle behind him for the photo op but he had other ideas...

As soon as I realized he was up to something, he jumped up onto my back. He was hanging on my backpack. I spun around a couple times thinking he might jump off. Nope.

I heard Susan laughing, I heard other people yelling and saw them pointing. "Susan, take a picture!", I yelled.



He wasn't very heavy at all. But I couldn't figure out what he wanted or what he was thinking. Did he just like me or what? All of this happened within the span of 5-10 seconds.

The next sound I heard explained everything. I heard the monkey start to unzip one of the zippers on my backpack. Then everything all made sense. The fruit from the hotel room! We must have left some in there and forgot about it.

I decided to fling my backpack off my shoulders. Before it hit the ground, the monkey had opened the pocket, reached inside and grabbed the small plastic bag that contained what? Yep, a banana. Could we have come more prepared? What else is better for monkeys than a banana? After all the briefings and literature and signs that say "Don't bring food", "Don't feed the monkeys", what do we do? We bring them a freaking banana.

So stereotypical.

In less than 2 or 3 minutes, that little monkey spotted me from at least 10 feet away. Smelled the banana, figured out that it was in my backpack, and figured it out which pocket it was in... all while I was looking at him trying to determine how I was gonna pose for a picture.


Look at his friend monkey! He's laughing at me too!


As he sat there with the banana he just looked at me.

Everyone else was laughing. I was laughing too, it was freaking hilarious. There were napkins and papers still blowing around in the wind that came flying out of the open backpack when he grabbed the banana. Susan and I started picking it all up. Other tourists kept coming up to me laughing and showing me their pictures. A couple guys even got it on video. I'm waiting for them to send me the clips!

The monkey just sat there eating the banana looking at me. I'm picking up trash, he's eating our banana.



In the aftermath, we kept on walking around the area watching the monkeys play. I could watch monkeys all day.

Here's to you, monkey! Hope you enjoyed that banana.


A tour group of Italian kids came up onto the platform from the cable car. One of them bought a candy bar and ate half of it in the snack bar. He put the rest of it in his pocket as he headed back out onto the platform, not knowing his fate. But we knew. We knew what would happen...

Hola From Southern Spain

So much to write about, and yet still so little time...

I'm sitting here in a hotel room in Malaga, Spain. It is almost 11pm, Susan is asleep. I can hear the waves right outside our hotel room crashing onto the beach. We had a pretty long day today. It started in Granada. A 3 hour tour of the Alhambra Palace, a quick lunch, and a 2 hour bus ride later we found ourselves here in Malaga.

Our little hotel is right on the beach. It is definitely nothing special. A narrow staircase goes up into a narrow hallway. The room is pretty small, but hey there's free wireless internet so who can complain?There's a bar/snack place downstairs that was surprisingly loud and lively this evening.

We're a few kilometers from the center of town. Did you know that there are Roman ruins in this town and that Pablo Picasso was born here too? Neither did I until this week. We haven't gotten to see much of this town yet, but hopefully we will over the next couple days. If the weather holds out we will get a little sunshine on the beach too.

We are in the middle of a week-long trip around southern Spain. We were hoping to go to Morocco as well, but the recent terrorist bombings changed our plans. Better safe than sorry. Tomorrow we have to get up early again and catch a bus so we can get to Gibraltar. Then we'll finish off the trip back in Seville this weekend.

I don't have much time to write now, and the pictures will have to come later too. Spain is so picturesque, we have already taken over 150 pics I think! There is so much to see and do here, to start talking about it now would have me up all night.

So that's all for now. Next post will hopefully have Flamenco dancers, Matadors, beaches, and ancient castles...